Rumbles and Grumbles

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Still amazes me how much things are involve in 'relocating'. Its never quite so simple as just packing and leaving. So much to consider. So much to plan and take care of. Things to do in the place that you are going and things to take care of in the place you left behind. Aside the logistics and practicalities, there is also the money to consider. Money to plan just in case you can't find a job. Money to put aside in view of emergencies. Money for daily necessities and money for all the little bits and pieces which one can always hope to have planned for but can never be sure. That is not even going into the whole emotional and mental preparation for such an undertaking.

Which is why I was mightily pissed off when someone keep telling me that for sure we would leave and yet sure as hell, i have no freaking clue where, when and how. Abit off-base the last few days because i seem to be constantly worked up by the SO. Wish it wasn't so but still it happens. Several things that ought to have been fought about and left behind, continually rear its ugly head and remains unforgotten. It bugs me because its not about the 'things' or 'events' per se but the 'way' situations (big and small) are dealt with. We could have forgiven each other on multitudes of mistakes but nothing changes on how we perceive and handle things, which makes any future issues a potentially difficult journey for both.

Simply put. We have different priorities. I plan more. He works on impulse more. I put brain above heart. He puts heart above brain. I want the best and would wait for it. He manages his expectations and make do with what he can get now. I am unrelentless and steadfast in opinions. He negotiates and always balance out my view with the exact opposite, for the sake of being fair. Of course, those are generalities which doesn't cover all the things we go through and how we act. There are things we do agree on but sometimes the differences irks me. Its hard to imagine how much love you can feel for one person yet at the same time, feel just as much as wanting to strangle them at the same time. I think the SO will be the only one who can empathize right now, strangely.

Since this is My Blog. I shall, alas, continue to have my Last Word.

There is nothing, NOTHING more irritating and absolutely frustrating than someone "giving" you a choice but then take the carpet right out from under you, the very minute you have happily made a choice. It is a weird and sick compulsion which till now, I do not understand. I do not comprehend how such a way of dealing with people can be "accidental" other than the fact that the person is just being unbelievably thoughtless and self-involved that they totally neglects and negates whatever it was that i have said. Either that, or the person is just plainly 'not thinking'. Its the same for the little things. It is the same for the big things. It's telling the whole world how much 'choice' i was given and appearing, in all sense of the word, magnanimous while i appear like a spolit brat. Yet, the real compromise seems to come out from me and the person who always said that they are compromising, ended up with what they wanted in the first place. More than once, i did a 'double-take' and felt rightly 'swindled' somehow but then, the intention was never to trick me.

That's the joke of it all. It was all Unintentional. I can frown and be upset but then, its always been one thing leading to another. So now i end up with the 'bad rep' for being difficult, you come out smelling like roses... yet i am not sure what exactly it was that i 'got' and it appears more like your basket is full. I am perplexed and irritable but not to a point where i want to make a nasty big fight of it (other than when i start to ramble and talk). As these things usually goes and as my life has a perchant to do these days, i am unfortunately 'stuck' again.


ahhhh.....

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